Noah - The Emporer's New Movie

[Reprinting this from the other place .  For posterity.]

Let me just start by saying two words which you can accept as fair warning to avoid this stupidest movie in years: Rock People.

Need more?

Tragically, as Western Civilization continues to decay all around us, one thing remains unmuddled: everything is politics. And nowhere is that more true than in media. The same polarization that fired Phil Robertson of Duck Dynasty and then got him rehired, and made Mel Gibson $600 million, and then lost him his Hollywood career, and made half the world want to canonize Roman Polanski with the other half wanting him castrated — these are the same social causes propelling the embarrassingly awful horribleness of Darren Aronofsky’s Noah, into an 76% fresh rating from the shameless, agenda-driven critics at RottenTomatoes.com, and setting so many Christian leaders and critics into shilling for the same. Please, stop the madness. It is astounding to me how Christians can be lured into a defense of the indefensible because they are so afraid of the charge of “unreasonablenes.” Trying so hard to be nice, we end up being patsies for people who have no other agenda than to make money off of us.

Oh yeah. And ROCK PEOPLE.

Honestly, there is so little that is Biblical in the piece that it isn’t even worth critiquing it as an irreverent adaptation. If the Bible was an original writer of the material, the WGA wouldn’t even insist on it getting a shared story credit with Aronofsky. It isn’t an adaptation in any serious sense of that term. There is a boat, a flood, and a guy named Noah in both pieces, and that is all they have in common.

Noah is a terrible, terrible movie. I kept thinking all through, “Wow. The secular critics hate Christians this much. They hate the Christians so much, that they will rave about this piece of crap because they think the Christians are going to hate it for ideological reasons.” And the Christian critics? Well, too many have been all balled up in the throes of self-loathing for at least a decade, which leads them to depths of self-contradiction in their popular culture appraisals that never seems to have a bottom. As soon as the momentum around this picture as offensive Scripturally began to go – and it is clear that this was generated intentionally by the studio and PR people promoting Noah – the Christians felt themselves double-dared to show themselves “enlightened” enough to embrace the movie even as it spits in their eye in every way – as an adaptation of Scripture, as a work of cinema, and as a plain old story. Remember when so many Christians felt the need to embrace the neo-porn mess, The Master? I remember one guy insisting that it was the best film of the decade. It wasn’t. It was an offensive, puerile mess. And remember when we were all told to go see The Da Vinci Code to promote “dialogue.” What a crock! In this case, the insane need to embrace modern sewage has the critics swallowing huge, gargantuan portions of ROCK PEOPLE!

Of course, there is also the sheer profit motive driving some of the reviews. Promoting movies is a high stakes business, and, sadly, the world of the professional movie critic is thoroughly mired in it. In the interest of full disclosure, for example, this blog is hosted on the Entertainment Channel of Patheos. That same Entertainment Channel received money to feature the movie ‘Noah’ to accompany its release. The website took money to essentially function as a paid advertising service for the movie. But those who are visiting the site don’t know that.

Where was I? Oh yes, Noah is a terrible, terrible movie. As a story, it doesn’t attain to the level of the worst of the cheesy Biblical movies made in the fifties. Aronofsky broke the first and sacred rule of storytelling: you have to make the audience care. We never cared about Noah even after he was kind to a wounded, half dog – half snake. (No, that wasn’t a mistake.) We never cared for any of the characters. I kept hearing people say this movie is deep. It isn’t. It is psychologically pedestrian. The only emotion the movie elicited in me was laughs of scorn. The script is problematic in every way in which a script can be problematic. Bad characterizations – no complex personalities, just stereotypes. Unmotivated choices abound. No imagery or story subtext. Huge story problems requiring ark-sized suspension of disbelief. Earnest, oh so earnest, dialogue with every syllable on-the-tedious-nose. Awkward transitions. Completely missing a coherent theme. Embarrassing soap-operaish holds on actors looking tense or worried or just staring ahead trying to convey lostness and doubt. And the fakest, funniest looking, plastic green snake used repeatedly to indicate “Evil is in the house.” It’s bad enough to be a Christian movie!

It’s so dumb, I can’t even write a serious review. Seems likely the studio purposely created and then drove all the controversy around the movie because they knew they had a dog. They’re hoping they can have a huge opening weekend because as soon as word gets out that this is a dull, idiotic waste, it’s going to drop like a rock person next weekend.

Here is a short list of some of the stupid story problems in Noah: (Is it possible to spoil a rotten thing? Well, be warned anyway…)

- Some of the angels felt compassion for Adam and Eve. God was so petulant and wrathful that he turned those angels into rock people. Then, human beings killed most of the rock people somehow. So, the rock people hate humans. But they take a hankering to Noah for no reason and build the ark for him.

- We say in screenwriting that the most cliched way to try to establish sympathy for the main character is to show him or her being nice to a sick child or an animal. Well, this creatively lazy piece has Noah doing both. But his gentleness to the missing-link dog is undermined when he pulls the arrow out of its flank and then stabs to death three humans. His adoption of the sick girl is undermined later when he tries to stab her infant daughters.

- Noah is a completely unsympathetic character. Somewhere in the beginning of the third act when he was in a knife fight with the raw-rat eating guy, I asked my friend, “Is it wrong of me to want Noah to die?” When the audience is rooting for the main character to be knifed (so he can’t kill his infant grandchildren), the filmmaker is deep, deep in the “film as disaster” end zone.

- Noah chides his son for ending the life of a teeny wildflower. And then he has the rock people cut down an entire forest to build the ark.

- We are told that the cities are centers of technology, but when we see the cities close up, they are just tents and unwashed people with really bad hair. You would think if they were so advanced they might have invented shampoo.

- It starts to rain, and five minutes later, Tubal Cain attacks the ark with an army of thousands and thousands. That’s a great general!

- The evil city people believe it is the apocalypse within seconds of the first drops of rain.

- Tubal-Cain hides on the ark -unknown to Noah – for nine months. He stays hidden despite the fact that he is eating the animals raw to keep up his strength. There went all the unicorns, I guess.

- The animals are lulled to deep sleep by a herbal smoke potion. It knocks the elephants flat – but it has no effect on the humans.

- Noah spends nine months firmly entrenched in his plan to murder his grandchildren at their birth. He’s intractable and insane in his conviction that this is what God wants. But then, when he is about to stick the knife in the children, he just changes his mind. Unmotivated choice.

- Five minutes after they emerge onto the new land, Noah makes himself a winery and gets crazy drunk and naked. It’s not clear if he is angry at “The Creator” or angry at himself or just an introvert who suddenly has nothing to do.

- ROCK PEOPLE. ROCK PEOPLE. ROCK PEOPLE.

I was looking forward to the effects, but, really, the movie storytelling is so bad, that the effects fall flat. There was one cool shot of people clinging to a rock and getting washed away, but it was over too fast. The score is over the top and intrusive. It is striving so transparently to make up for the lack of emotion in the picture that it repeatedly calls attention to itself, in the worst way.

Oh yeah, and there is a ton of annoying, superior liberal preaching about how we should all be vegetarians, and that technology and cities are innately bad because they hurt the planet. Dumb, oversimplified liberal utopia nonsense. But it barely offended me because I was so much more offended by the terrible story craft in the piece.

Stay far away and save your money. Rent The Ten Commandments for the weekend. Or Ben Hur. Or even a bad Biblical movie like The Robe. Any of them are a thousand times better than this piece of pretentious, over-hyped garbage.

Galaxy Quest called. They want their rock people back.

Anybody who says Christians need to see the movie to promote dialogue is being a tool. Anybody who says the movie is visionary is jumping on an Emperor has No Clothes bandwagon. Any pastor who creates a sermon to coincide with this awful piece is being played for a sucker. And the Christians who are promoting the film for money should be ASHAMED of themselves. Really, how dare you?

P.S. rock people

Surveying the History of Biblical Films in Hollywood

My esteemed film criticism colleague, Peter Chattaway, has done a nice job for Christianity Today

of summarizing the movement in Hollywood recently towards telling Biblical epics again.  Here's my contribution to the piece:

"Biblical material needs to be handled differently," she says. "It's not fodder for the filmmaker's imagination. The filmmaker is fodder for the biblical story. When you pick up a comic book and use that as source material, that's fodder for your imagination as a filmmaker—it serves you. When you make a biblical movie, you serve it."

I admit to a shiver of horror at the comments of Ridley Scott promising that his movie on Moses coming out later this year will feature "an unconventional" view of God.  Why?  Why do they have to do that?!!  Is it too much to ask a committed, liberal atheist to not spit in the eye of the faith-based audience?  Oh, yeah....  Anyway, let's pray for the project just in case there is still time for it to not be toxic crap, or just stupid like Noah.

Heaven is For.... Anyone with a Heart

Heaven is for Real, Directed by Randall Wallace, Written by Randall Wallace and Chris Parker, based on the book by Todd Burpo and Lynn Vincent; stars Greg Kinnear, Thomas Hayden Church, Kelly Reilly and Connor Corum; 

So, the good news is, Christians are finally getting better at filmmaking.  It has taken us awhile to get to respectable, and we have a long way to go to do with cinema what Flannery O'Connor did with literature, but it's a relief to me that we are starting to see movies made by believers that actually aren't ugly as art and story and don't dishonor our faith.  After having seen way too many faith-based embarrassments like The Christmas Candle, Facing the Giants, Fireproof, Therese, Mercy Streets, The Omega Code, Left Behind, Gospa, The Champion, The Stoning of Soriah M, There Be Dragons, Blue Like Jazz, The Mighty Macs, For Greater Glory, Bella and Courageous, I went in to the screening of Heaven is For Real ready to cringe.  But I didn't cringe.  I found myself generally engaged and involved with the characters, and strongly affected in a couple places - heck, I cried twice, for the right reasons.  And looking around the theater, nearly everybody else was crying too.

If you are the only one in Jerusalem - and within reach of the NY Times Bestseller list - who does not know about the story here, it is based on the hugely successful true story of a four year old boy who is given a vision of heaven during a near death experience on the operating table.  The boy's exerience wreaks havoc in the small church community that his father pastors, and leads his father and mother to question the ultimate meaning of heaven for all of us.

The movie isn't perfect, but it is solid and - for people of basic good will - entertaining.   My feeling is the principle problesm with the film originate in the source material, so there isn't too much the filmmakers could do and still please the fan base of the book.

In terms of plot, there isn't enough story in Heaven is for Real for a feature-length film.  Writer/director Wallace knows his game too well not to be aware of that, however, and so does as much as he possibly can to provide filler by taking advantage of the talented actors he has at his disposal.  Still, if I had been charged to give notes on the outline, I would have said, "You don't have enough beats and reversals for a movie."

My second quibble has to do with the lack of a formidable antagonist, and, consequently, the lack of ongoing high stakes.  Again, the filmmakers were aware of the problem and do what they can to create stakes by fomenting small crises in the main couple's marriage and in the struggle for job and money - which are fine stakes in real life, but in a story, getting or losing a job is never going to be enough.

Most significantly, taking the broader view of where we are as people of faith trying to important in our culture, Heaven is for Real seems to me to move the bar for the efforts of Christians in cinema in several ways.

1)  I know these people! -  Karen Hall, a friend of mine who has worked for more than two decades on top television shows, has said to me many times that in mainstream media,  "We Christians are never allowed to depict ourselves in our own context."  That is, few of the people making culture in an influential way tend to be committed Christians.  So, when we are depicted it is always from without, by people who don't get us, or who think Christianity is what's wrong with the world.  So, we are always seeing Christians depicted like the insane brutish lady in Misery, with her gold cross glinting in the light right before she tortures her captive, or the wild-eyed, platinum-blond, Bible clutching bomber in Contact, or the hypocritical greedy preacher in There Will Be Blood, or the cooing, silly simpleton nuns in Sister Act, or the cruel demon nuns in Philomena.

In films made by believers, the depictions of Christians are equally cringe-worthy only in the other direction of religious propaganda.  When Christians are calling the shots, they are so eager to show the best face of being a believer, that the characters come across as weird extra-terrestials speaking a saccharine foregin language and smiling into sunsets like Jesus' own Stepford Wives.  I remember screening Facing the Giants with a Jewish agent and when one of the characters suddenly got a shiny new red truck basically for kneeling down in a field and "giving his life to the Lord," my jaded Hollywood friend leaned over and said to me, "Gimme some of THAT Jesus stuff."

In Heaven is for Real by contrast, the characters are like so many people I have met - they are real people who simply have faith in Jesus as an important part of their framework.  They aren't silly or simple or wild-eyed or covering up fetid depths of hate and hypocrisy.  They aren't killing each other or making meth in their basements.  They are struggling to keep on walking, and to be better moms and dads, friends and believers.  The characters in this piece don't have the creative charm of the townspeople in Lars and the Real Girl, but I still found them fascinating just because I haven't seen them on the big screen before.

2)  Features Talented Professionals in Key Roles - This has to be reckoned as a huge leap forward for Christian projects.  Although the movie was made for much less than most Hollywood movies, it still uses real professionals in key roles, namely director and co-writer, Oscar-nominated, Randall Wallace (writer of Braveheart), Oscar-nominated actors, Greg Kinnear and Thomas Hayden Church, Oscar-winning Cinematographer, Dean Semler (Dance with Wolves),  Emmy-nominated producer, Joe Roth (Alice in Wonderland), double Oscar-nominated Editor, John Wright (Speed, Hunt for Red October) and Emmy-winning Costume Designer, Michael T. Boyd.  Just to name a few.  And while there are a handful of industry professionals who have been part of the aforementioned Christian disaster films, it is a striking part of so many of these projects that people with only a vision, but without any talent or training, reserved to themselves key creative roles.  Can't do it.  Movie-making is a craft-based, talent-based, experienced-based, professional relationship requiring enterprise.  God helps those who help real talented artists and professionals.  So, what I'm saying is, you can't transition from being n ex-Senator and failed presidential candidate into a movie producer in five minutes.  Or even two years.

Greg Kinnear deserves a lot of credit for shouldering all the parts of the film that could have been saccharine and keeping it real.  It shows how much a great actor can bring and why they are worth the money that Christians tend to never want to pay for them.  But why would you hire real actors when you can be a pastor, producer, writer, and star, right Christian folks (we all know who you are) who keep making lame movies?

3)  You Don't Have to Be Christian to Get This - Again, I remember watching a rather bad film that came out of the sub-culture a few years ago.  It was about the sons of two pastors - one white and one black.  When the movie strayed into the weird inner-workings of non-denominational church elders fighting over language style and ministry hiring practices, I remember thinking to myself, "Who ARE these people?"  In the interest of spreading the slop around this isn't just an Evangelical problem.  I've heard people speak of EWTN with the same kind of vaguely piqued, "Do these people realize they are living in a bubble?" wonder.

Heaven is for Real is first and foremost a good tale about a little child who has a vision that ends up shaking a lot of good people out of their complacency and into a more mature depth.  It respects the Aristotelian pyramid of story elements with something interesting happening (plot) to some relatable people (characters) united by universal questions about love and belief (theme),  with some fair to good verbal back and forths (dialogue) in an emotionally controlled progression (tone) with some cool   and even lovely things to see and dream on (spectacle).  I would even say the film deserves some chops for the dialogue, because much of it takes place in a church context, but it still never felt like the film itself was preachy.

I say all this to clarify WHY the various industry trades have mentioned that the movie is not only doing well with the Christian base, but also with mainstream theater-goers who were drawn in because of the provocative title and then gave the movie good ratings afterward.  Christian movies generally suck at the basic elements of story.  They tend to be much more concerned with the purity of the message, generally forcing all the elements to serves theme instead of serving story.  Heaven is for Real has a solid core.


I enjoyed this film and am quite sure that probably forty or fifty million people out there will enjoy it even more than I did.  It made me happy about God and heaven and my fellow humans.  It got me and my husband talking about NDE's and visions and why God prefers to use children as messengers - what we in screenwriter world call "unreliable narrators."  It's not a perfect film, but it's better than many and probably the best that the Christian sub-culture has yet produced.

Stories Meld Our Minds

Somebody just sent me a link to this recent article by scientist Allison Gopnik in the Wall Street Journal.  It's all about how recent research on the brain has show that sharing stories creates a mind-meld phenomenon between the storyteller and the hearer.  Fascinating stuff possessing huge ramifications for what we do here in Hollywood, but also for the Church which, after all, has the mandate to share the story of salvation history.

"In another experiment they recorded the pattern of one person’s brain activity as she told a vivid personal story. Then someone else listened to the story on tape and they recorded his brain activity. Again, there was a remarkable degree of correlation between the two brain patterns. The storyteller, like Leone, had literally gotten in to the listener’s brain and altered it in predictable ways. But more than that, she had made the listener’s brain match her own brain.

The more tightly coupled the brains became, the more the listener said that he understood the story. This coupling effect disappeared if you scrambled the sentences in the story. There was something about the literary coherence of the tale that seemed to do the work."

Go here to read the whole piece.

I'm Baaaaaaaaaaack!

You know how I said I was closing this blog and moving over to that other place?  Well, it was nice while it lasted, but I'm very pleased to resurrect this blog at this time and officially pull up stakes at that other place.

It's a new day and it's starting today -- except that today starts the Triduum and I very much expect that I will be doing much more praying than blogging over the next few days.

But look for lots of blogging in the coming weeks - especially tied in to my new weekly Church of the Mass Radio Hour every Friday (except, you know, tomorrow, Good Friday) on Radio Titans.

But for now, have a holy and blessed Triduum!

Way of the Cross over Brooklyn Bridge

I am posting this for my friends at Communion and Liberation. I think we should do this kind of thing vigorously - before the government says we can't any more. Something to tell our children and grandchildren about when the persecution has really become the new normal. Those days are coming....

____________________________________________

Friends,

On Good Friday, April 6, 2012, Communion and Liberation will once again sponsor the Way of the Cross over the Brooklyn Bridge to Ground Zero; and we are pleased to announce that Timothy Cardinal Dolan and Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio will join participants at St. James Cathedral, Brooklyn. The WoC begins at 10am at St. James Cathedral-Basilica, 250 Cathedral Place (corner of Jay and Tillary Streets) and it will conclude at 1:30pm so participants can attend the Good Friday service in their parish.

After a station on the Brooklyn Bridge, the procession will follow the cross to a third station at City Hall Park in Manhattan, and a fourth station near Ground Zero. The final station will be at St. Peter’s Church on Barclay Street. As in the past, at each station there will be readings from the Passion, a meditation, a reflection and hymns.

On a personal note, what impresses me most about this yearly public gesture is the beauty of the meditations, the choir, and, above all, the silence, an incredible silence permeated by a powerful presence – it’s something that has to be experienced!

Additionally, particularly this year, in the midst of all the back and forth about the HHS mandate, it is moving to see that Christ is offering us a way to publically affirm that “what we hold most dear in Christianity is Christ Himself — He in His person. All the rest comes from Him, for we know that in Him dwells bodily the whole fullness of Divinity.” I know it is difficult to see how such a simple and profound gesture like this public Way of the Cross is Christ’s response to the current political spat, but I strongly believe that it truly is!

I look forward to seeing you at the Way of the Cross over the Brooklyn Bridge to Ground Zero on Good Friday and I encourage you to share this information with others.

In Christ,

Henry

Sample bulletin blurb - WAY OF THE CROSS OVER THE BROOKLYN BRIDGE

On Good Friday, April 6, 2012, Communion and Liberation, an ecclesial lay movement in the Church, will once again sponsor theWay of the Cross over the Brooklyn Bridge; and we are pleased to announce that Timothy Cardinal Dolan and Bishop Nicholas DiMarzio will join participants at St. James Cathedral, Brooklyn, at 10:00 am.

After a station on the Brooklyn Bridge, the procession will follow the cross to a third station at City Hall Park in Manhattan, and a fourth station near Ground Zero. The final station will be at St. Peter’s Church on Barclay Street, concluding at 1:30 pm.

At each station, there will be readings from the Passion, a meditation, a reflection and hymns. All are invited to participate.

For more information, please call Communion and Liberation at (212) 337-3580 or visit the website atwww.wocbrooklynbridge.com.

So you think you have an idea for a movie?

I got another one last night. A person who heard me give a speech sent me a message asking me to evaluate his life story as a good spine for a movie. We folks in the movie business get this kind of message a lot. As a rule, people have absolutely no idea how big and developed an idea needs to be to become fodder for the entertainment industry to start tossing it around. Below is a two-pager I worked up for my undergrads, basically as a guideline for their final project for me in my Story and Character class. From now on, when somebody writes me that they have a "good idea for a movie" I am going to ask them to complete this sheet - which I am estimating will come in at between 8-12 pages.

Movie Proposal Format

PROPOSED PROJECT TITLE: How does this title give a sense of your theme, genre and character?

LOGLINE: One sentence that sums up what this movie is about.

SHORT PITCH: In one paragraph, sell this story to me. The following information should be included in a breezy, well-written style.

- What is the genre of this piece?

- Where does it take place and in what time period?

- What is the scope of the movie (ie. Epic studio movie? Quirky indie film? Etc.) and who will be its primary audience?

- What will make people want to see this movie? How will it be fun/entertaining for the audience? (Think something to learn, something to feel, something to dream about. Think universal truth and spectacle.)

MOVIE THEME: State in one artfully-written, arguable sentence the main theme of this project. You can also include lesser themes in other sentences.

ARENA: Describe the unique and visual world through which we will travel in this movie. What will this movie look like on the screen? How will the visuals help set the tone and the theme? If it is a standard location (ie. courtroom, bar, restaurant, living room, office), describe how we will see this standard location in a new way in the movie.

CHARACTER PROFILE: This section should be at least three pages. It should include everything that Aristotle and McKee - and um, me - says that goes into a good character (not necessarily in this order), including:

- Characterization (how old? How smart/educated/articulate? How rich or poor? Where he lives? How he looks – his personal style and quirks. Give me a thorough sense of the way this character is going to look and handle himself on screen.)

- Character (What is his genius? His charm? Why will audiences be drawn to him? What are his values and how did he find them? What would he say he needs most? What stands in his way?)

- What are the main conflicts in his life? What are some of the deep paradoxes in his life?

- Who or what is his support system?

- What is his transformational arc in the movie? What leads up to his moment of grace and does he accept it or not? How is he irrevocably changed at the end of the movie? How is his ending a new beginning?

SUPPORTING CHARACTER PROFILES: Write at least a paragraph for each of the two or three other principal characters in the piece. Give details of their character and characterizations and indicate what transformational arc they will travel in the story.

STORY SYNOPSIS: Divide the main action of the story into acts. This section should be at least five pages.

ACT ONE: Take us through the main action of the first half hour of this movie. Include the way the main character is introduced. Include how you are going to introduce your theme and any visual imagery you will be using. Hook us by indicating the entertaining spectacle that the audience will enjoy in the story. Then, take us through the inciting incident that draws the character into launching the journey of the story by making a choice. Describe the various kinds of conflict that stand in the character’s way. Introduce supporting characters and subplots. End with a high stakes, visual action/choice that puts the character in a new dilemma.

ACT TWO: Take us through the next hour of the film. How does the character’s situation become more complicated? What actions does the character take which drive the story? What changes do we start to see in the arena? Where is the character and his personal relationships in Act Three? What is it that heightens the stakes and suspense? What will continue to make this entertaining for the audience? What is the main reversal that comes at the mid-point? At the end of Act Two, how is the character’s situation as bad as it can be? What is the test that you have set up for the third act?

ACT THREE: Take us through the main action of the third act. What does the character do in the third act? What are the remaining sources of conflict and how does the character engage them? Where is the character in his relationship in Act Three? How does the character’s genius come into play in getting to the resolution of the story? How does the character “die” so as to live? How is the arena changed at the end of the story? What is the new beginning at the end?

No actually, You Don't Want a Screenwriter

Someone forwarded this on to me today. We get these kind of requests through Act One all the time, but this one was so egregiously offensive, I am sharing it for posterity....

Looking for a professional screenwriter to help get a Christian feature project ready to shoot. The project has been in development for over two years and has several drafts and treatments written by one of the producers and another screenwriter. The project has a director and producer attached, and interest from a small but respectable distribution company. The style is family comedy set in a holiday background.

The person (or persons) we are looking for needs to able to take what we have and mold it into 100 pages of a screenplay similar to to feel of Liar Liar and Groundhog Day, with major elements of Fireproof and Courageous mixed in. (If you don't know what Fireproof or Courageous are, please do not apply for this job). This is a paid position, but please keep in mind this is an independent project with a very limited budget. We are also not associated with the WGA so we require an independent writer.

Our team is spread out throughout the country, but you will mostly be working with with our producer in [somewhere far from the hub of moviemaking]. This can be done over Skype or Google.

Requirements for this job:
1. Have written at least 3 full length screenplays, and are proficient at all screenwriting formatting and industry standards of screenwriting
2. You are a writer who uses and believes in "The Hero's Journey"
3. You know, and have seen Fireproof and Courageous
4. You are an expert at using Final Draft
5. You have collaborated on screenplays with other people before
6. You are willing to work for less than you would normally get paid
7. You know how to write comedies and family films
8. You are a Christian

If you meet ALL of these requirements than by all means send me a bio, a writing sample, and why you want to work on this project.

Thanks!

Here are the snarky responses that I will not be sending back to this sorry fellow. But he really deserves them.

"Should the writer have also seen Lawrence of Arabia, Sunset Blvd, Casablanca and The Godfather? Or would that make them ineligible?

"Because I believe in the Heroes Journey, it is impossible to not see this invitation as somewhere worse than than the Belly of the Whale and certainly a more brutal Road to Trials. I am going to have to pass on the Call to this Adventure."

"No, no, I think you must be thinking of some other Ground Hog Day."

"Thank you very much, but I am going to have to pass on this offer so as to make room for professional opportunities."

"After having written more than three screenplay and extensively studied the craft of movie writing, I could not promise to mimic the unique stylings of Fireproof and Courageous. Sadly, I just know too much."

"It was refreshing to see you state upfront your intention to under-compensate your writer. Most self-styled producers don't admit that."

and finally,

"Hmmm. You have me confused. It seems clear you really aren't looking for a screenwriter. I do know an out of work youth pastor who loves movies and has a lap top. Should I send him your way?"

Mediocrity Takes on Some Champs

I don't have the time or will to do a complete analysis of all the faults in The Mighty Macs. It is yet the latest disappointing movie effort to be produced and financed by committed Christians. It will not make its money back and will not add anything to the journey of the exclusively Christian audience that will be coaxed into theaters to support it. Subjecting it to a serious analysis would make me look like a fool, because it would mean applying more serious thought and experience to the movie than the filmmakers obviously did. Here follows a few comments I put on Steve Greydanus' Facebook review of the project.

Great sports movies, like Hoosiers, Brian's Song and Moneyball, always remember that the movie is not about "the big game." The movie is about the internal struggle of the main character which is complicated by the big game. Of the myriad things that made The Mighty Macs lame, the worst was the absence of any real internal conflict. There is no sin in the movie which means there is no tension or real stakes. Flannery O'Connor condemned this in Catholic art as an "overemphasis on innocence." We Catholics should know better because we know what is in the heart of men. Secondly, the movie was lacking in most of the things that make a movie great. There was no subtext, no imagery, no layering, no complexity of character, no theme, no surprises and then, some really lame dialogue. Finally, the movie was a terrible depiction of religious life utterly lacking in any real Catholic sensibility. See Ida Lupino's classic The Trouble with Angels for a wonderful portrayal of nuns as real, flesh and blood people. The big question of The MIghty Macs is why the filmmakers didn't get some help on the script. They had to know they were over their heads, right? I mean, they must have seen a good movie once or twice before?

Screenwriting Grammar Matters

Somebody wrote me recently that their project got rejected in Hollywood for improper formatting. The writer was irate that such a small thing would be used to reject his script. Here, for the general edification was my response....

I wanted to express a brief defense on behalf of those of us who are sticklers about screenwriting grammar, aka formatting. Considered under a professional lens, formatting is not irrelevant. In the vast majority of projects, a correctly formatted page equals one minute of time on the screen. The margins for dialogue are shorter and allow for the actors to add expression. The longer margins allow the audience to get a good enough look at whatever is being described. Beyond timing, capitalizations are signposts to casting agents, line producers, directors and DP's for all their respective tasks.

The best way to consider a screenplay is like unto an architectural drawing. People outside the profession do not appreciate all the industry standard norms for drawing, and would probably dismiss them. But they have their uses. Essential uses from a professional standpoint.

Considering that these things are essentials, it could be a disservice to discourage your readers from giving them proper attention. Christians already have a bad rap in Hollywood for lack of professionalism. We don't want to add condescension to ignorance.

People who haven't learned the industry standard for formatting are better off writing their story in a straight narrative fashion, as in a treatment. There are some expectations for a treatment, but few people in the business will quibble over them.

On Visual Imagery

I am giving a two day workshop on the use of visual imagery in storytelling in Colorado in February 2012. They asked me to write a short piece about the topic for their magazine. I wrote too much and they will probably lose half of it. For posterity's sake, here's the whole thing.

A Good Visual Image is Worth a Thousand Words

By Barbara Nicolosi

“The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.” Mt. 13:44

Poetry is the most respectful of art forms. The whole reason for a poem is the acknowledgment that reality is too complex and mysterious to be reduced to the limits of wordy definitions. Poetry searches for metaphors to reveal facets of reality by likening them to other things. In the famous poem “The Blind Men and the Elephant” by John Godfrey Saxe, we laugh to hear that an elephant is alternately like a wall, and then, like a spear, and then like a snake, and a tree, a fan and a rope. The poem assures us that an elephant isn’t any of those things, but is something like all of them.

Poetry is also eminently respectful of the reader, because it has to have faith in his or her intelligence, sensitivity and imagination – basically in the reader’s humanity – to succeed. The poet is a riddler who crafts a picture puzzle and hopes that someone will be enticed to go through the difficult process of unraveling it. If they do, the labor they have expended will make the solution valuable to them. You know what I mean if you have ever been driving along on a country road, and then suddenly understood what Emily Dickinson meant when she wrote,

I had been hungry all the years-

My noon had come, to dine-

I, trembling, drew the table near

And touched the curious wine.

Suddenly, as C.S. Lewis said about the purpose of literature, you know you’re not alone.

Sadly, my sense of so much Christian literature is that it fails because it neither respects the mysteries underlying the human choices it describes, nor the humanity of the reader. Why is it that people of faith have so little faith in people?

Our Lord set the example for all Christian storytellers by extensively utilizing visual images. One has to presume that He could have given a clinically accurate description of His reality as the Second Person of the Trinity. And yet he chose to describe himself as “the Vine”, “the Good Shepherd,” “the Light of the World,” “the Bread of Life.” The Kingdom of heaven is presented to us not through geometrical and philosophical definitions, but as “a great net cast into the sea,” “or a vineyard,” or “a lost coin,” or “a treasure in a field.” Hence, following the example of the Master, Christian artists through the ages have tended to approach reality humbly through images that in their distortion or emphasis bring us wisdom infused with reverence. It was a good way to be.

So what happened to us? Why is so much contemporary Christian art and literature banal? Why do our works not only not cause the world to brood, but cause them to dismiss us? Part of the problem is that so little Christian work today has any powerful lyrical imagery. In so doing, we separate ourselves from storytellers like Homer and Dante and Hawthorne and Poe, all of whom were masters of visual paradox.

My sense is that many contemporary writers couldn’t even say what a lyrical image is or why it is important in a story. At it’s basic level, a lyrical image is sacramental in a story, giving the reader something to see in their mind’s eye that points to hidden realities. Imagery should come into play particularly to get an audience to brood over a project’s theme, but also can be very helpful in making a character’s motivations and choices more resonant.

In her story Good Country People, the great writer and Christian, Flannery O’Connor, created a character who was a PhD with a wooden leg.

“She believes in nothing but her own belief in nothing, and we perceive that there is a wooden part of her soul that corresponds to her wooden leg. Now of course this is never stated. The fiction writer states as little as possible. The reader makes this connection from things he is shown. He may not even know that he makes the connection, but the connection is there nevertheless and it has its effect on him.” (Flannery O’Connor, Mystery and Manners)

The truth is, it is easier to tell people what you think, then to entice them to think on something, which is what a good visual image does. Coming up with a good visual image for a story requires a double portion of the intelligence, sensitivity and imagination that a reader will need to unravel it.

New Article from Barb on Euthanasia

Here is a new piece I wrote for my friends at Crisis Magazine about the coming battle for euthanasia. Please click on the link, and send it on to other friends. This issue is critically important, and, as always, our side is staring off into the sunset missing the massing of the opposition.

"The evidence is undeniable: Somewhere in the middle of the Terri Schiavo tragedy, Hollywood and the cultural left climbed aboard the latest human-killing bandwagon and have since thrown the weight of their talent and creativity behind it. As with abortion, the forces of darkness are outmaneuvering the forces of good on what will certainly be the moral issue of the 21st century.

If we lose the fight on euthanasia, we lose our souls. By removing suffering and the meaning of suffering from our culture, we make the final step in denying and defying our creature-hood. Once again, the seductive lie of Eden will trip us up: “If you will do this thing, you shall be like God.”"

Mass for Artists in NYC

Just passing this on....

_______________________________

Dear friends and fellow artists,

It's a great pleasure to invite you to the inaugural event of the Catholic Artists Society on Sunday, May 15th at 5pm at the Church of Our Saviour in Manhattan.

A Solemn High Mass of the Holy Spirit will be celebrated for members of our growing Catholic arts and media community. All artists, their families and friends of the arts are invited to attend. Following the mass, Fr. Joseph Koterski, SJ, from Fordham University, will give a talk on "Ignatian Prayer and the Work of the Artist". A reception will follow.

You can sign up for updates on this and future events at http://catholicartistssociety.posterous.com/

The Solemn extraordinary form Mass will be celebrated by Fr. George Rutler, pastor of Our Saviour’s. Fr. Michael Barone will be deacon and Fr. Joseph Koterski, SJ will act as sub-deacon. Sacred music will be provided by the Schola Cantorum of St. Mary Church (Norwalk, CT), under the direction of David J. Hughes. Guest organist Herve Duteil will provide additional music.

The Catholic Artists Society was initiated in response to Pope Benedict XVI’s Address to Artists at the Sistine Chapel in November, 2009. Following the Holy Father’s call for artists to be “custodians of Beauty” and “heralds and witnesses of Hope for humanity” the society seeks to foster solidarity and fellowship amongst the faithful engaged in the creative professions, encouraging the ongoing artistic and spiritual development of all artists and media professionals, so that their work may more perfectly reflect God’s glory, enriching and ennobling men and women, our society and our culture.

We look forward to seeing you on the 15th. Please let me know if you plan to attend so we can get an idea of numbers for the reception. An invitation with details is attached.

Yours in Christ,

Kevin Collins

What Happened to the Good Stories?

Here's a snippet from an interview I just did with a Christian magazine called Aletheia. It will be coming out later in the summer.

Q: Where would you say our culture stands in regards to good storytellers and stories?

BN: My opinion is that we have nearly lost the ability to tell a good story. Part of this is the loss we are seeing in all the art forms, which I think has something to do with the loss of rigor and discipline that is the doorway to the beautiful. Also, I think a lot of the artistic impulses in our time have been drowned in Ritalin and Prozac. Finally, I think the urge to make something beautiful comes from a sense of gratitude and immortality. In our culture, both those values are ever more quaint.

When we consider the Church, nothing is clearer than that we seem to have proudly cast off the beautiful as an elitist throwback to a less enlightened time. In the Church, we spurn the beautiful in favor of egalitarianism, politics and utility. I have had priests tell me that they can’t afford to ensure beautiful music for the liturgy, or else that beautiful music is relative, or that beautiful music is less important than in making Doris and Stan, the untalented but warm-hearted music ministry folks, feel appreciated. After the terrible music, the next most egregiously bad practiced art from in the Church today is oratory. Too many of our pastors seem to take it as a point of pride that their homilies have nothing of the basics of a good speech about them. Far from making our hearts burn within us, most homilies today leave the faithful’s brains burning with indignation. I’m waiting for people to finally crest with all the banality and start shouting back at the pulpit.

In Hollywood, storytelling has been lost mainly due to the fact that movies are seen first as commercial products and second as whole, harmonious and radiant stories. There is no change to any part of a story that today’s studio wont make to please an egomaniacal actor or director. There is no part of a movie too sacred not to be cheapened by product placement. There is no overarching theme that can survive the endless tinkering of producers trying desperately to bring the project in on time and under budget. The only real future for good storytelling seems to be outside the studio system. It’s sad, but I think Hollywood’s days of having access to the imagination of the world are gone.

The Grand Inquisitor and Lent

Here is a talk that I will be giving to our Hollywood RCIA folks this coming Thursday, April 7th, at Family Theater in Hollywood. It's a good talk. Feel free to attend if you are in the area.

Thursday, April 7, 2011 – 7:30pm – 9:30pm

TEMPTATION AND PENITENTIAL ACTS / THE SACRAMENTS OF HEALING: PENANCE AND ANOINTING OF THE SICK

Instructor: Barbara Nicolosi Harrington

Reading: CCC 1434-1439; CCC 1422-1424, 1440-1470, 1499, 1511-1525; “The Grand Inquisitor” from The Brothers Karamazov by Dostoevsky

To learn: The Act of Contrition (see p. 191 in the Compendium)

For journal: What is it that tempts you? How do you respond to temptation? How do I understand the sacrament of reconciliation?

See Barb at Hedgebrook Workshop

Here's a wonderful writers' conference at which I will be presenting next month.

HEDGEBROOK ALUMNAE LEADERSHIP COUNCIL:

LOS ANGELES CREATIVE DEVELOPMENT WORKSHOPS

Saturday, April 9, 2011

At Mount St. Mary's College, Chalon Campus - Los Angeles, CA

The Hedgebrook Alumnae Leadership Council: Los Angeles is pleased to announce its second annual series of creative workshops. This year's focus is on writing for film and TV and magazines. Join us for panels with writers from Seinfeld, Mad Men, Big Love, The United States of Tara and more. We've got workshops on finding representation, breaking into advertising, and travel writing, as well as our popular E-Marketing for Documentary and Independent Filmmakers course. Come for a single class, or the entire day. A portion of your donation is tax deductible and will benefit Hedgebrook.

SUGGESTED DONATION: $40 per class (general public)/ $30 (Hedgebrook Alumnae)

Any 4 classes for $120 (general public)/ $100 (Hedgebrook Alumnae)

Panels 9:00 AM – 10:00 AM	Getting Representation as a Writer – Kalia York and Alicia Lipinski of Headlong Entertainment
10:30 AM – 12:00 PM	Women in TV – Tracy McMillian, Jude Weng, Julia Cho and Jen Grisanti
2:45 – 4:15 PM	Conversations on Comedy with Seinfeld – David Mandel and Peter Mehlman
4:30 – 6:00 PM	Breaking into Copywriting & Advertising – Simon Foster, Michael Faella & Marc Jensen of Agency Division

Workshops 9:00 – 10:30 AM	Writing Powerful Dialogue – Crickett Rumley
11:00 AM – 12:30 PM	Traveling, Writing and Getting Paid For It – Cecilia Hae-Jin Lee
1:00 PM – 3:00 PM	Creating Haunting Moments in Storytelling – Barbara Nicolosi
12:30 – 2:30 PM	Writing Reality TV, a Hands-on Workshop – Jude Weng
3:30 – 6:00 PM	E-Marketing For Documentary & Independent Filmmakers – Judith Dancoff

The workshops will take place at beautiful Mount St. Mary's College. Nestled in the Santa Monica Mountains over Brentwood in West Los Angeles, with views of the Pacific Ocean and the Getty Center, Mount St. Mary's is a true retreat from city life. Attendees are invited to use the campus common areas as a relaxing writing retreat between sessions.

The Hedgebrook Alumnae Leadership Council: Los Angeles represents Hedgebrook Alumnae in Southern California. Together with Hedgebrook, we support visionary women writers whose stories and ideas shape our culture now and for generations to come.

Course Descriptions

The Perfect Line: How to Write Compelling Dialogue with Crickett Rumley

Saturday, April 9th, 9am – 10:30am ROOM 201

Everybody loves a great turn of phrase, whether it’s a snappy punch line or an inspiring monologue. But what’s the secret to writing good dialogue? Understanding that it is not mere chit-chat—it is conversation with intent. In this lecture class, we will use a series of film clips to identify the way dialogue serves both the writer’s and the characters’ intentions as well as discuss techniques for crafting lines that create multiple layers of meaning. All writers, whether novelists, playwrights, or screenwriters, are welcome!

Class size limit: 50

Hedgebrook Alum Crickett Rumley graduated with an MFA in Film from Columbia University and now teaches screenwriting at the New York Film Academy (Universal Studios). As a screenwriter, she has developed projects with PBS, Pink Slip Pictures, Killer Films, and Gigantic Pictures. Her debut young adult novel Never Sit Down in a Hoopskirt and Other Things I Learned in Southern Belle Hell comes out in June 2011 from Egmont USA.

Getting Representation as a Writer with Kaila York and Alicia Lipinski of Headlong Entertainment

Saturday, April 9th, 9am – 10am ROOM 204

Whether you ’re looking for representation or unhappy with your current people, Kaila York and Alicia Lipinski outline the difference between agents and managers while giving hands on advice on how to find the best person to represent you. Using anecdotes from their careers, Kaila and Alicia will share their experiences and any insider information they’ve gleaned. Part discussion, part Q & A, Kaila and Alicia will dispell myths and dispense knowledge to best help participants find the management they need.

Class size limit: 90

After leaving Paradigm, Kaila York formed Headlong Entertainment, a literary management and film production company. She represents a select and diverse range of clients, including film and television writers (Matt Graham, Secret History of America for Oliver Stone/Showtime), book authors (Gemma Halliday, Spying in High Heels franchise) and directors (Tamar Halpern, Jeremy Fink and the Meaning of Life). On the production side, Headlong has just wrapped production on a supernatural feature, and recently created a television series based on the book and blog, Art of Manliness, at Warner Brothers Television.

Women in TV with Julia Cho, Tracy McMillan, Jen Grisanti and Jude Weng

Saturday, April 9th, 10:30am to Noon ROOM 204

As television shows take on riskier, boundary-busting storylines, women have risen in the ranks as writers and producers. From The United States of Tara and Big Love to Army Wives and Mad Men, our panelists are making their mark on the TV world. Come join these impressive writers and producers as they share about their experiences about breaking in and staying on top cable, network, and reality TV programs.

Class size limit: 90

Hedgebrook Alum Julia Cho’s plays have been produced at Roundabout Theatre Company, The Public Theater, The Vineyard Theatre, Long Wharf Theatre, Playwrights Horizons, South Coast Repertory and New York Theatre Workshop among others. Her play, The Language Archive, was awarded the 2010 Susan Smith Blackburn Prize. Television work includes Canterbury’s Law, Fringe and Big Love. She is a member of New Dramatists.

Tracy McMillan is a television writer currently working on the USA network show Necessary Roughness. Her credits also include Mad Men, The United States of Tara and Life on Mars. Tracy is also developing book and television projects from her viral Huffington Post essay, Why You're Not Married. Her memoir I Love You and I’m Leaving You Anyway is now available in paperback from Harper Collins/It Books.

In January 2008, Jen launched Jen Grisanti Consultancy Inc., a consulting firm dedicated to helping talented writers break into the industry. By drawing on her 12-year experience as a studio executive when she gave daily notes to executive producers and showrunners, Jen personally guides writers to shape their material, hone their pitches, and focus their careers. Jen has worked with over 300 writers working in television, features and novels. She has had success getting writers staffed and has had two of her clients sell pilots that both went to series. Jen Grisanti is the Writing Instructor for NBC’s Writers on the Verge, Blogger for The Huffington Post and author of the upcoming book, Story Line: Finding Gold In Your Life Story.

In the last decade, Jude Weng has produced, directed, or written for over 200 hours of alternative television. Jude has enjoyed a prolific and diverse career through genres such as ob-docs (Secret Lives of Women), makeovers (Real Simple Real Life), competition game shows(Survivor, The Mole, Next Action Star), docu-soaps (Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant, Tommy Lee Goes to College), and social experiments (Black White on F/X). Currently, Jude is showrunning a confidential pilot for Lifetime, and Shedding For The Wedding, a new weight-loss makeover series with the creator of The Biggest Loser for the CW.

Traveling, Writing and Getting Paid For It with Cecilia Hae-Jin Lee

Saturday, April 9th, 11am – 12:30pm ROOM 201

Wouldn't you love to get paid to take a food and wine tour of the south of France or go on an all-expenses paid trip to a Hawaiian resort? That's what makes travel writing seem so romantic. In this workshop, you'll learn the joys, pains and realities of travel writing, variety of markets and options available, the writing craft elements, and the where and how to market your work.

Class size limit: 50

Hedgebrook Alum Cecilia Hae-Jin Lee is a travel and food writer. Author of Frommer's South Korea and Frommer's Day by Day Seoul. She has written for numerous publications, including Yahoo!Travel, Food and Wine, Eating Well, Hotels.com, and the Los Angeles Times.

Writing Reality TV: A Hands-on Workshop with Jude Weng

Saturday, April 9th, 12:30- 2:30 ROOM 204

The Reality Behind Reality TV workshop will discuss the numerous career opportunities that exist in non-scripted TV. This fun and entertaining workshop will unfold through anecdotes that translate directly into practical advice for those seeking a career in the creative or entertainment industry, with the last portion of the workshop dedicated to a hands-on DEVELOPMENT & PITCH exercise.

Class size limit: 90

In the last decade, Jude Weng has produced, directed, or written for over 200 hours of alternative television. Jude has enjoyed a prolific and diverse career through genres such as ob-docs (Secret Lives of Women), makeovers (Real Simple Real Life), competition game shows(Survivor, The Mole, Next Action Star), docu-soaps (Scott Baio is 46 and Pregnant, Tommy Lee Goes to College), and social experiments (Black White on F/X). Currently, Jude is showrunning a confidential pilot for Lifetime, and Shedding For The Wedding, a new weight-loss makeover series with the creator of The Biggest Loser for the CW.

Creating Haunting Moments in Storytelling with Barbara Nicolosi Harrington

Saturday, April 9th, 1pm – 3pm ROOM 201

Flannery O'Connor noted that in order to make a story "work" what is needed is a "haunting moment." This class will discuss what it means to make a story "work", and how to construct moments that will get stuck in a profound way, in viewers minds, hearts and imaginations.

Class size limit: 50

Barbara Nicolosi is a screenwriter and the founder of the prestigious Act One: Writing for Hollywood program. She is an adjunct professsor of screenwriting at Pepperdine University and Azusa Pacific University. Her most recent credit will be the 2012 MGM release, Mary: Mother of the Christ which she co-wrote with Ben Fitzgerald (The Passion of the Christ) and which will star Al Pacino, Camilla Belle and Peter O'Toole.

Conversations on Comedy with Seinfeld Writer/Producers David Mandel and Peter Mehlman

WRITING SEINFELD

Saturday, April 9th, 2:45pm – 4:15pm ROOM 204

Join us for 90 minutes of laughs and insight into what it takes to create a hit comedy series with David Mandel (exec. Producer Curb Your Enthusiasm, Seinfeld) and Peter Mehlman (Seinfeld, It’s Like, You Know). Mehlman and Mandel are responsible for some of the greatest episodes in the popular Seinfeld series and continue to make us laugh in film, TV, and print today. Q&A will make up part of this panel and who knows who else might join in?

Class size limit: 90

David Mandel is an executive producer, writer and director of Curb Your Enthusiasm. His previous credits include the movies Eurotrip (writer, uncredited co-director), Saturday Night Live (92-95), and Seinfeld. His Seinfeld episodes include "The Bizarro Jerry," "The Betrayal" (co-written with Peter Mehlman), and "The Pool Guy,” for which he won a Writers Guild Award.

Peter Mehlman An executive producer and writer on Seinfeld, he is the author of such now classic Seinfeld-isms as “spongeworthy,” “shrinkage,” “double-dipping," and the “Yada Yada” episode. He is the creator of “It’s like, you know...,”and numerous other TV shows and continues to write screenplays and humor pieces for NPR, Esquire, the New York Times, the Washington Post and the Los Angeles Times.

E-Marketing for Documentary and Independent Filmmakers with Judith Dancoff

Saturday, April 9th, 3:30pm to 6pm ROOM 201 You've made a great film, but it hasn't made you any money—yet. Judith Dancoff has found an untapped market that can turn your creative darling into a cash cow. Libraries and universities regularly pay hundreds of dollars for DVDs on a myriad of topics. Let Judith Dancoff teach you how to reap the benefits of these sales, without paying film distributors, or having your project languish inside of a distributor’s catalogue. This course will cover the rudiments of identifying the academic, library, and specialty markets best suited for your film; how to put together a website and pitch letter that will effectively sell your film to these markets; introduce free and inexpensive ways to reach potential buyers; the best ways to reach potential buyers, including the use of inexpensive and free lists; navigating legal issues, and how to tackle commercial marketing. Class size limit: 50

Hedgebrook Alum Judith Dancoff is a Los Angeles writer, documentary filmmaker, and marketing consultant, who learned the rudiments of e-marketing through selling her own film, now owned by hundreds of universities and museums in the US and abroad.

AGENCY DIVISION Breaking into Copywriting and Advertising

Saturday, April 9th, 4:30pm – 6pm ROOM 204

Agency Division is a full-service advertising boutique made up of dedicated professionals. In this panel, three advertising veterans will discuss how they broke into the business, what has kept them there, and what they look for in a good writer. Q & A will be opened up to the audience along with tips on how to hone your copywriting skills. Class size limit: 90

Simon Foster is the founder and CEO of Agency Division and a 15-year veteran of the TV advertising industry. He was the head of Creative and Integrated Production at the advertising agency SpotRunner and before that ran GlobeShooter, a Los Angeles based production company. He has produced dozens of commercials for national brands such as Apple, Pepsi, Budweiser and Cicsco.

Michael Faella is the Executive Creative Director of Agency Division. He has led campaigns for brands including Microsoft, Forex.com, Buy.com , Enzymatic, Legal Zoom, AIG, and Diamond Promotion Service/DeBeers. Faella is also an accomplished commercial director, having directed over a hundred spots for brands ranging from Ford to Microsoft. Marc Jensen is a Creative Director at Agency Division. He began his copywriting career at Valentine Radford where he worked on national accounts for Hallmark, Pizza Hut and Spring. He’s been with several advertising agencies in Los Angeles, working his way up from Copywriter to Creative Director where he has managed teams of writers. Throughout his career, he has written for print, television, radio, online, direct response as well as collateral and outdoor campaigns for a diverse range of clients.

HOW TO RESERVE A CLASS

$40 suggested donation per class (general public)/ $30 (Hedgebrook Alumnae)

Any 4 classes for $120 (general public)/ $100 (Hedgebrook Alumnae)

A portion of your donation is tax-deductible. See payment page for more details.

To make payment and reserve your seat, click here and follow the directions at the bottom of the page, or visit www.hedgebrook.org and look under Events.

Once you have registered, you will receive a confirmation email with driving directions and parking instructions. Please print your confirmation email and bring it to the workshop for admission.