I was recently asked to give notes on a screenplay that is being produced by a group of earnest Christians. None of the folks controlling the creative decisions have ever been involved a feature film before. All are from outside of Los Angeles and the money (think, millions of dollars...) is coming from a rich Christian somewhere out there in fly-over country.
I generally avoid reading this kind of project - especially because no one ever wants to pay me for my trouble. But, in this case, I wanted to help because I have some personal relationships with folks involved in the project. So, I volunteered to read the project for free.
Sigh.
The sub-title of the piece should be "Or, Why We Need Act One". It is typical of hundreds of projects that I have seen from earnest Christians over the last decade. I am so tired of seeing good people's money wasted on efforts like this. Filmmaking is hard, and complicated, and not something that can possibly work on a whim and a prayer. I have written this letter too many times over the years.... For the purpose of my personal venting and in the hopes that somebody out there will actually take it to heart, here it is (minus any references particular to the project)...
Dear _________:
I have had an opportunity to read the script that you had forwarded to me. I was very happy to take a look, to see if I can help in some way. I am always eager to support the efforts of creative people who want to see cinema used to bring light and good things to the world.
Hmmmmm...
My opinion is that this script is very amateurish. It is deficient in story, character, dialogue, theme, structure -- pretty much every area from which I could evaluate it.
The most serious problem is in the area of story. There is probably only a short film's worth of story here, and even that involves very little movement. It's a movie in which the characters move from having conversations in cars, to conversations in restaurants, to street corners, to houses, etc. Talk, talk, talk, no choices - no actions, nothing to see. Where there are choices by the actors they are unmotivated and seem to come out of nowhere. It is sloppy dramatization in which the moments are not set-up, and so are unbelievable.
Another huge problem with the piece is the portrayal of the lead character. It is not engaging for the audience to have the lead character spend most of the movie loping around staring and grunting like a semi-dead person. This is the kind of script that actors tend to write - ie. angst ridden with lots of staring - which are pretty self-indulgent for the actors, but empty for the audience. (I have read many, many, many of this "moving from darkness to light" scripts from earnest Christians. They all fail in the area of character, because they spend the entire first hour or more with an angry, or wounded or lost or unappealing person who will get unangry and healed by story's end. The problem is, the audience won't wait. No one wants to pay money and spend time with someone who comes across as pathetic, downtrodden, embittered and dangerous. The audience will not connect with the lead character. They won't care, and so the movie will not work with them.)
The dialogue is flat - completely devoid of sub-text or style. It's overwritten and every scene meanders through long boring conversations, taking twice as long as they should.
The structural choices are confusing. My sense is that the filmmakers are trying to generate some story by moving scenes around. Audiences are too sophisticated for that. Intercutting two scenes through space and a third over time is not clever. It's annoying and feels sloppy.
And now, a personal pet peeve of mine (and I'm not even going to bring up the non-industry standard formatting in the piece which was typed in Word...).... The script shows lots of overly stylized, unmotivated camera stuff that I see very often in the work of film students and budding writer-directors: bizarre camera angles, and lots of handheld work and random zooming and fast pans. It's all for naught in terms of the narrative. The moments are just there "to please the players" using the words in which Aristotle damned bad plays. In all of these moments the audience will be taken out of the story and made to think of the filmmakers. It is sheer self-indulgence on the part of the writer-director. These moments also add unnecessary expense to the shoot.
Thematically, I really don't know what the point of this movie is. I can't come up with any kind of universal behind the story. This is damning because it makes it unclear what the story is about. It robs the audience of any sense of message and finality. Hence, the story doesn't seem to end so much as stop.
To sum up, my opinion is that this film will make for a boring, or worse, confusing viewing experience. I can not see it getting any kind of real distribution, and the critics will savage it's good intentions because of its sloppy craft. I think it's only lasting good will be that it will be a very expensive learning experience for the people involved, and if their friendships survive, it could mean their next project will be much better. I don't think a rewrite will help. I don't think there is enough story here to merit a rewrite. This is a classic example of a script that should never have been written, because there was never enough of an idea to warrant the process.
Forgive me if I am speaking too bluntly. It's just one idiot's opinion - but this particular idiot has read probably two hundred scripts like this....and this script falls at the lower end of that pile in terms of skill.
If you would like to call me, I can offer some cosmetic notes about fixing the main character's development and motivation, as that will probably be the only thing that can be done at this late moment. It will help somewhat.
I wish I had better news to tell. I so hate to see money wasted on projects like this. I will pray that something miraculous happens on the set to transform this into something better. Thanks again for inviting me to take a look. God bless -
107 comments:
This is pretty harsh, but sometimes it must be said in order for change to happen.
I don't think it was harsh at all. The recipient might not agree, but I think the letter is as gentle as possible and still conveys the point. I've seen too many "Christian" films that make me absolutely not care at best and often make me want to watch it again just to make fun of it.
What I'd like to know is how to hook up these investors with talented Christian writers and directors and actors and.... well, you get the picture.
Wow, your blog hit the spot. I will definately add it to my favorites. I have a site that pretty much coversmake money business opportunity related stuff. Check it out if you get a chance
Homeworkers Needed Immediately! Over 300 work at home firms that want to pay you! Take surveys online and get paid $150/hour, assemble crafts, mail circulars, mystery shopper positions available and more! For this complete report of over 300 firms please PayPal $25.00 to (telecoms24-workathome@yahoo.com) and we will send you the information to your e-mail address. If you want any additional information before ordering please e-mail me at (telecoms24-workathome@yahoo.com)
Yo, This blog is pretty neat. You should check out mine sometime. It pretty much covers income mail opportunity related stuff.
I just bookmarked your blog. I will try to post often.
Do you think gas pricing is ever going to go down? I founds some gas saving tips at online betting sports gambling
Keep in touch :)
Good Blog
Please visit
Advanced Business Marketing
and leave a comment.
Great blog! I must bookmark you :o)
If you want to check out mymotivation blog, it pretty much covers motivation related info.
Thanks for the great info!
Yo, you have a Terrific blog here! Lots of content means more readers,more readers means more Sales!
I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a computer faster optimize speedup.com tweak xp xp site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.
We are just a Click Away ! :-)
Hi what a great blog,make money online and work from home. If you have time pay me a visit.make money online and work from home
I'we always had problems with forex, daytrading, forex trading training, pips and similar. Until I found the free forex course at Free Forex Course. I have increased my understanding a lot from reading it, and by adding stuff from your blog.
Wow, I really like this one. I have a website that talks mostly about royal cash register home You should check it out sometime.
cheap hosting Web Hosting Ecommerce Your source for the latest in the cheap hosting industry, News, links and latest cheap hosting developments.
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a best reward credit cards site. It pretty much covers best reward credit cards related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
"I just came across your blog about internet marketing advertising and wanted to let you know that I am impressed with the information here. I also have a website with an added resource that pertains to internet marketing advertising so I know that your blog is fantastic. Continue with the great resource that you are providing to everyone on the Net!"
Nice site. Check mine out if you can. instant cash loan
As many links as you want!
With our Blog Hosting Script you can now create and mantain your free blog community.
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a network marketing forum site. It pretty much covers network marketing forum type stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
display your RSS feeds on their web sites for content.
Read your blog on gas money save ways and thought you might want to review my site which includes information on tips to save on gas. Thought you or your readers might be interested.
Hi,
A Letter I'm Sick of Writing was interesting. Someone told me about autosurf exchange traffic blogs and I have been out there looking all nite. I'm glad I got the chance to check it out. I will be back. Well on with my autosurf exchange traffic search. Have a nice day :-)
Hi Blogger,
A Letter I'm Sick of Writing was a good read. I've been searching for autosurf traffic blogs and came across yours. Even though it was not exact I am always open to new ideas about autosurf traffic in any way I can think of. Have a great day :-)
For the best in music downloading software visit online stores for DVD Software Players that offer quality audio playback on the PC.
I really enjoyed reading your Blog about womens accessory handbag. I also have a Blog/Website about womens accessory handbag come check it out!! Have a great day!
Hi Blogger,
I always like an interesting blog. A Letter I'm Sick of Writing caught my attention even if I was looking for autosurf monitor blogs. Kind of gets my thoughts moving coming from a different angle about autosurf monitor. Hope to check back every now and then. Have a nice day :-)
Hi, Nice blog you have here. Lots of great info on st louis rams store. I have a st louis rams store related site. It has lots of information, discussion, stats etc. on st louis rams store. Please check it out if you get a chance.
Nice Site. We have Free Houses on my site. Please take a look estimating new home construction cost
Hi Blogger,
A Letter I'm Sick of Writing was a good read. I've been searching for autosurf traffic blogs and came across yours. Even though it was not exact I am always open to new ideas about autosurf traffic in any way I can think of. Have a great day :-)
Hey Blogger,
I've been out searching for blogs for hours and it was nice to have found yours. Just thought I would check out the post A Letter I'm Sick of Writing and come up with ideas for . Have a nice day :-)
Hi there Blogger. Nice blog. I was looking for bits and pieces on home based business ideas. A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't quite what I was looking for. But I can see why I landed on your page when I was looking for information on home based business ideas. Thanks for the read.
Hi Blogger. So many sites I visited today, while looking for free forex strategy pages to post to my blog, were full of garbage. It was nice to find something real at your site. Well, I better go look for some more free forex strategy pages for my own readers. Thanks.
Hi,
A Letter I'm Sick of Writing was interesting. Someone told me about get paid online surf blogs and I have been out there looking all nite. I'm glad I got the chance to check it out. I will be back. Well on with my get paid online surf search. Have a nice day :-)
What If This Could All Happen Automatically,
with a simple push of a button.....
Hi Blogger,
I see you share my interest in easy ways to make money. Your input would mean a lot to me. If you would be so kind to visit my site and give me your feedback, I would most appreciate it.
Thanks,
Mike
Blogger, I spend a lot of time online checking out information on home based business opportunity and as expected I end up at a lot of sites, some which provide good information on home based business opportunity related stuff and some which don't. I recently came across your site and while A Letter I'm Sick of Writing did not provide me with the kind of information that I was looking for, I still found it to be rather interesting, so I spent some time there checking out all the good stuff that you have there. Just want to tell you to keep up the good work.
Hi there Blogger. I'm was looking around for the latest information on work from home businesses and found your blog. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't exactly what I was looking for, it certainly made me stop. I can see why I found your site when I was looking for work from home businesses related information and I'm glad I stopped by even though this isn't a perfect match. Interesting post. Thank's.
Hi Blogger,
I see you share my interest in earn money as . Your input would mean a lot to me. If you would be so kind to visit my site and give me your feedback, I would most appreciate it.
Thanks,
Mike
Hello Blogger,I'm searching for the most recent information on home base business and found your site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't entirely what I was looking for,it certainly peaked my interest.I now know why I came across your site when I was looking for home base business related info and I'm happy with the time I spent at your site.It wasn't an exact match but still a great read,thanks
Hi Blogger,
Looking for autosurf traffic blogs when I came across yours. Glad I did get a chance to read it. A Letter I'm Sick of Writing got me to thinking and came up with a new idea about autosurf traffic. Again I'm glad to have stiopped by. Have a great day :-)
Greetings to you Blogger. work from home related information is of great interest to me and so I am very often online checking it out. It was during one of those times that I came accross your site. I spent some time checking out your content even though I was really looking for work from home related stuff and that A Letter I'm Sick of Writing did not really give me the answers that I was searching for. The fact is your site was informative enough for me to have spent a few minutes checking it out. Well, keep the fire burning and all the best.
Good post Blogger. I was just looking online for info on proven money maker and ran across the blog. Actually A Letter I'm Sick of Writing was not exactly what I was searching for, but it did grab my attention. I understand now how I landed on your site when I typed in proven money maker related info, and I'm glad I found your page.
Hello Blogger,I'm searching for the most recent information on home base business and found your site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't entirely what I was looking for,it certainly peaked my interest.I now know why I came across your site when I was looking for home base business related info and I'm happy with the time I spent at your site.It wasn't an exact match but still a great read,thanks
Hi Blogger,
Looking for best autosurf blogs when I came across yours. Glad I did get a chance to read it. A Letter I'm Sick of Writing got me to thinking and came up with a new idea about best autosurf. Again I'm glad to have stiopped by. Have a great day :-)
Hi there Blogger, I thought your site had information on best home based businesses but it doesn't. A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't exactly what I was looking for but it's interesting. I can see now why I found your page when I was looking for best home based businesses related information. I'm glad I stopped to have a look. Great post!
Blogger, Greetings. It is always good to come across sites like yours that provide surfers with good content. I was recently researching
some info on work from home and came across your site. I found A Letter I'm Sick of Writing very informative, altough I was more interested in finding information on
work from home related stuff. Anyway, I just want to tell you to keep up the good work.
At the end of Each lesson their will be Valuable FREE Marketing Networks where you will be able to
Hey i got here searching for starting an affiliate program
Your sites not too bad!
You got good rankings for them keywords starting an affiliate program
Check out my site
starting an affiliate program
Just visit 3 Marketeers Productions LLC and fill out the short form, you'll be able to unsubscribe anytime
Hi thereBlogger,I'm out looking for the most up to date information on home business idea and came across your site.Even though A Letter I'm Sick of Writing was close to what I was looking for and it wasn't a pefrect fit, it certainly was well worth reading.I understand how I came across your page while I was looking for home business idea related information. Great post. Thanks!
Hi, If you are interested in article help newspaper writing, then you will want to check out article help newspaper writing
It's a great piece of software that creates articles easily with a cookbook type of approach.
Later,
Larry
Great make money with affiliate program related blog. I will add you to my bookmarks.
I've got a make money with affiliate program related site. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## and other related stuff.
Also have another cool site called HotLinZ
Drop by if you get time :-)
Hi Blogger,
I always like an interesting blog. A Letter I'm Sick of Writing caught my attention even if I was looking for autosurf exchange traffic blogs. Kind of gets my thoughts moving coming from a different angle about autosurf exchange traffic. Hope to check back every now and then. Have a nice day :-)
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a game poker video site/blog. It pretty much covers ##KEYWORD## related stuff.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Hi there Blogger. I'm was looking around for the latest information on work from home jobs and found your blog. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't exactly what I was looking for, it certainly made me stop. I can see why I found your site when I was looking for work from home jobs related information and I'm glad I stopped by even though this isn't a perfect match. Interesting post. Thank's.
baby shower gift idea A Name Brand Products at Wholesale Prices baby shower gift idea
Hi,
I've got a blackjack strategy site with some original articles related to best online blackjack that your blog visitors may find interesting - here's an article extract:
Learn Blackjack Card Counting and Beat the Dealer!
Blackjack is one of the few games where you can get an edge over the casino. This is something ...
best online blackjack
Thanks
Hello! What at great blog you have going. I blog about internet marketing search engine placement. I am also offering the eBook "Adsense Empire" to my visitors.... Stop by & get your copy today
An excellent source forpda accessory case, Please refer topda accessory case for quality and bargains.
Blogger, Greetings. It is always good to come across sites like yours that provide surfers with good content. I was recently researching
some info on free money and came across your site. I found A Letter I'm Sick of Writing very informative, altough I was more interested in finding information on
free money related stuff. Anyway, I just want to tell you to keep up the good work.
Hi Blogger, Out surfing for information on business notes & happened upon your site. While A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't exactly spot on, it did strike a note with me. Thank you for the really good read.
Blogger, the internet has really shrunk the size of the world, making it so much easier for us to share information. In all the tons of stuff in cyberland, I recently found your site. While I was really out searching for information on make money online, your site providing good info on A Letter I'm Sick of Writing which is very interesting. Again, seeing how small the world is now and how interesting your site is, one can understand why your site was found even while I was looking for make money online related information. Good job.
Fantastic blog you've got here Blogger, I was looking for movie downloads related information and found your site. I have a movie downloads site. In addition to movie downloads, you can find options for downloading various movie players. Stop by and check it out when you can.
Hello Blogger, been looking for the latest info on american cash flow and found A Letter I'm Sick of Writing. Though not exactly what I was searching for, it did get my attention. Interesting post, thanks for a great read.
Hello Blogger, been looking for the latest info on notenetwork and found A Letter I'm Sick of Writing. Though not exactly what I was searching for, it did get my attention. Interesting post, thanks for a great read.
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
adult personals woman
Porn Biz
Make Cash
Adult Friend Finder
adult personals woman
Hello Blogger,I'm searching for the most recent information on home base business and found your site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't entirely what I was looking for,it certainly peaked my interest.I now know why I came across your site when I was looking for home base business related info and I'm happy with the time I spent at your site.It wasn't an exact match but still a great read,thanks
##frisky-pixie.com/deadeasy-ebook-software.htm##
Blogger, the internet has really shrunk the size of the world, making it so much easier for us to share information. In all the tons of stuff in cyberland, I recently found your site. While I was really out searching for information on make money from home, your site providing good info on A Letter I'm Sick of Writing which is very interesting. Again, seeing how small the world is now and how interesting your site is, one can understand why your site was found even while I was looking for make money from home related information. Good job.
Hiya Blogger, just thought I'd say your post titled A Letter I'm Sick of Writing was very interesting. It some ways it is linked to download ebooks free which is what I was actually looking for, but I ended up here accidentally. When I have more time I will make sure I return to check out the rest of your posts as I'm always on the lookout for interesting sites.
Hi Blogger,
A Letter I'm Sick of Writing was a good read. I've been searching for autosurf exchange traffic blogs and came across yours. Even though it was not exact I am always open to new ideas about autosurf exchange traffic in any way I can think of. Have a great day :-)
Hi Blogger,
I always like an interesting blog. A Letter I'm Sick of Writing caught my attention even if I was looking for autosurf monitor blogs. Kind of gets my thoughts moving coming from a different angle about autosurf monitor. Hope to check back every now and then. Have a nice day :-)
Hi Blogger, Out surfing for information on cash flow industry & happened upon your site. While A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn't exactly spot on, it did strike a note with me. Thank you for the really good read.
I purchased a wood stove wanted to save on the heating cost this year.my Fireplace Tile site related to everything about fire places and wood stoves.So save on the higher heating cost and burn some wood.Have a great day bye.
Fireplace Tile
good post
Hi there Blogger, I was just browsing, looking for movie downloads related information and found your blog. Very Nice! I have a movie downloads site. In addition to movie downloads, you can find options for downloading various movie players. Please visit, check it out and enjoy!
Hi there. Kinda busy, but looking for information on forex trade. Nice blog, good info. Maybe visit my site if you're looking for forex trade related material forex trade. Thanks
##deadeasy##
I have been following a site now for almost 2 years and I have found it to be both reliable and profitable. They post daily and their stock trades have been beating
the indexes easily.
Take a look at Wallstreetwinnersonline.com
RickJ
You have a nice blog here. When you get a chance, please take the time to visit my new site at tommy burns.
Make 3k-9k mon. and never work.
Interesting reading... Keep up the good work...
Regards,
Emini Futures Day Trader
emini trading method
##deadeasy##
m
thanks for the info
can i get more information?
Hey I agree 100% agree with the last few comments. This blog has great opinions and this is why I continue to visit, thanks! ##link#
Hey I agree 100% agree with the last few comments. This blog has great opinions and this is why I continue to visit, thanks! ##link#
Keep up the great work on this blog. Informative and interesting. I have a very interesting site at http://www.surveyearn.biz/MysteryShopper/Mystery_Shopper.html and you are welcome to visit. It is about mystery shopping Thanks!
Tremendous information found on this blog. Keep up the good work.
I have a site that you are welcome to see at http://www.surveyearn.biz/MysteryShopper/Mystery_Shopper.html it is about mystery shopping services
Hello Blogger, I’m out surfing the web for the latest information on personal finance mlm and noticed your nice site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn’t exactly what I was looking for it certainly got my attention. Now I see why I found your page when I was looking for personal finance mlm related information and I’m thrilled I found your web site even though its not a perfect match. Great Post, thanks for your informative site.
Hello there Blogger, I’m out surfing for a good blog experience on 31biz.com and found your great site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn’t exactly what I’m looking for it certainly got my attention and interest. I see now why I found your excellent blog-site when I was searching for 31biz.com related web sites and I’m glad I found your site even though its not an exact match. Excellent Post, thank you for the read.
Hello Blogger, I’m out surfing the web for the latest information on mlm lead and noticed your nice site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn’t exactly what I was looking for it certainly got my attention. Now I see why I found your page when I was looking for mlm lead related information and I’m thrilled I found your web site even though its not a perfect match. Great Post, thanks for your informative site.
Hi there Blogger, I’m out surfing for the latest information on cost en language low mlm and found your great site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn’t exactly what I was looking for it certainly peaked my interest. Now I see why I found your page when I was looking for cost en language low mlm related information and I’m happy I found your wine blog even though this isn’t a perfect match. Great Post, thanks for the read,
Hello there Blogger, I’m out surfing for a good blog experience on 60earn.com and found your great site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn’t exactly what I’m looking for it certainly got my attention and interest. I see now why I found your excellent blog-site when I was searching for 60earn.com related web sites and I’m glad I found your site even though its not an exact match. Excellent Post, thank you for the read.
Hello there Blogger, I’m out surfing for a good blog experience on company marketing network top and found your great site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn’t exactly what I’m looking for it certainly got my attention and interest. I see now why I found your excellent blog-site when I was searching for company marketing network top related web sites and I’m glad I found your site even though its not an exact match. Excellent Post, thank you for the read.
Hi there Blogger, I’m out surfing for the latest information on lead mlm and found your great site. Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing wasn’t exactly what I was looking for it certainly peaked my interest. Now I see why I found your page when I was looking for lead mlm related information and I’m happy I found your wine blog even though this isn’t a perfect match. Great Post, thanks for the read,
Nice blog. Keep up the good work.
Regards,
Stock Options Trader
learn option trading
Good info. Thanks.
Regards,
The Stock Trading Animal
course trading
Hello I am the traffic man, zip, zip, zip. Make a new resolution to get a flood of traffic to your website this year. Let me show you how to get FREE traffic to your site. Yes I said FREE, FREE, FREE!!! Don't delay.
To find out more, visit my top home-based business site. It successfully covers FREE information exposing FREE traffic and top home-based business related stuff. Don't forget - FREE, FREE, FREE. You have nothing to lose!
Hey Fellow, you have a top-notch blog here!
If you have a moment, please have a look at my wholesale wood jewelry site.
Good luck!
Nice blog. I love all the free amateur adult movie. I will definately be back again... and again and again.
Hey, you have a great blog here! I'm definitely going to bookmark you!
I have a make money stuffing envelope site.
Come and check it out if you get time :-)
Greetings.
Hi there Blogger, I am building a website containing info on free credit reports, so I´m
out searching for link exchange partners.
Even though A Letter I'm Sick of Writing isn´t a perfect match, maybe a
link exchange would be interesting??
Great post thanks for the read.
Hi there Blogger, I am building a website containing info on bad credit - credit cards, so I´m
out searching for link exchange partners.
Although A Letter I'm Sick of Writing isn´t a perfect match, maybe a
link exchange would be interesting??
Great post thanks for the read.
Blogger,
I took a look at your post
regarding free from home make money now online .
You are invited to place a link to
your blog on our website for free. See:
http://www.thefreeadforum.com
We get over 18,000 visitors per day.
Many are looking for free from home make money now online
related products and services.
We have a specific category for free from home make money now online .
Your listing will be spidered by the search
engines under free from home make money now online . Our pages
are made to be search engine friendly.
We hope you take a moment to take
advantage of this free advertising.
Cheers,
John
http://www.thefreeadforum.com
The Free Advertising Forum.
Post a Comment